Because religion is laughable

Funny Jesus Christ Jokes

Funny Christianity Jesus  Messiah Jokes Image

Give Me A Bike

"Dear Jesus, if you give me a bike, I won't sin for one year," prayed the little boy earnestly.

He opened his eyes, and seeing his mother's statue of the Virgin Mary looking down sadly at him, was wracked with guilt and the realisation that he would never be able to avoid sin for that long.  So he prayed again, "Dear Jesus, if you give me a bike, I won't sin for six months."

Opening his eyes a second time, he looked up guiltily at the statue, keenly aware of the impossibility of what he was promising.  So with a sigh he got up, gently picked up the statue, packed it into his little rucksack, and closed his eyes for the third time.

"Dear Jesus," he prayed, "if you ever want to see your mother again, give me a bike."


I died for your sins.  Good.


A Matter of Chocolate

The alien vessel landed with much pomp and hiss on St Peter's square in Rome.  A hatch opened and two little green men with dazzling smiles appeared.  They were promptly granted an audience with the Pope.

After a brief discussion about the weather, the Pope said, "I know this question may sound odd to you, but I was wondering if you and your kind knew about Jesus Christ?"

"Jesus Christ?!" exclaimed the slightly taller of two aliens. "Of course we do! He vists our planet every two years or so. Awesome fellow!"

A hush descended on the audience chamber, and everyone watched the Pope, whose face had turned a rather odd purple.

"Every two years?" he shouted.  "We're still waiting for his second coming!"

"Maybe he didn't like your chocolate?" suggested the alien.

"Chocolate?" replied the Pope.  "What in heaven's name does chocolate have to do with it?"

"Well," said the alien.  "When he came to our planet, we gave him chocolate.  Why, what do you do?"

~

Finding Jesus

The itinerant preacher pulled over his car next to the little boy, and rolled down the window.  "Hello son, what's your name?" he asked, "I need help finding your town's church. Been driving around for ages."

The little boy replied, "Name's Johnny. Take a the next left, go down a block or so, drive past the school, and you'll see the church up on the small hill, sir."

"Why, thank you, Johnny," replied the preacher, and reaching into the glove box, he pulled out a flyer for his upcoming sermon and gave it to the boy. "Say, Johnny, why don't you come over to the sermon at noon today? I will be helping your community find our savior Jesus Christ."

The boy looked at the flyer and then at the preacher, and replied, "Fat chance of that, sir. You can't even find the church."



(Source: The Oddest Box)

Funny I found Jesus - He was behind the sofa the whole time picture
 Funny I found Jesus - He was behind the sofa the whole time picture


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