"A casual stroll through the lunatic asylum shows that faith does not prove anything."
"I enjoy mythology, but am not religious about it"
"Your faith is not inspired by some divine constant truth. It is simply geography"
"The doubt of your faith is not god testing you, it is the truth trying to emerge and free you."
"Science flies you to the moon. Religion flies you into buildings."
"Scientology. Because Mormons needed something to joke about."
"Jesus hates figs" (Mark 11:12-14)
"Staying in bed shouting 'Oh my God!' does not constitute going to church."
"Abstinence makes the church grow fondlers."
"If there there is a God, atheism must seem to Him as less of an insult than religion."
"I considered becoming an atheist, but there weren't enough holidays."
"My creation myth is better than your creation myth."
"Religion is a great comfort in a world torn apart by ... religion."
"Call my religion violent again and I'll kill you."
"The more I study religions the more I'm convinced that man worships only himself."
"Creationism doesn't required a leap of faith so much as a drunken tumble down Mount Dumbass."
"Science flies you to the moon. Religion flies you into buildings."
"I am against religion because it teaches us to be satisfied with not understanding the world."
"What can be asserted without evidence can be dismissed without evidence."
"Religion was invented when the first con man met the first fool. - Mark Twain
"If you talk to God, you are praying. If God talks to you, you have schizophrenia."

Funny Jewish Jokes

 Funny jewish men at the Jerusalem wailing wall praying, one guy urinating joke image

An elderly Jewish man sat down in the confessional of the Catholic church.
"What brings you here today, friend?" asked the priest, somewhat surprised to see a Jew in his confessional.
"After seventy years as a virgin, I made love all night long to two twenty year-olds."
"I understand," replied the priest, "and you tell me this because you seek absolution, even though you are a Jew?"
"Not at all," replied the old man.  "I'm telling everyone!"


~

"Rabbi, I think my wife is trying to poison me!"
"Very interesting," says the Rabbi. "Let me go and talk to her and see what I can find out."
A few hours later the Rabbi calls the man up.
"I've spent several hours speaking with your wife," he says.
"What should I do?" the man asked.
"Take the poison."

~

So two Jewish guys are walking when one notices a sign on a Catholic church that says "Convert to Christianity, and we'll give you $100."

The one says to the other, "Should we do it??" The other says "NO!! Are you crazy?" The first guy replies "Hey, a hundred dollars is a hundred dollars... I'm gonna do it." So he walks in to the church, and little while later, he walks back out. The friend says "Well, did you get the money?" He replies "Oh that's all you people think about, isn't it??"

~

A CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time. She went to check it out, and going to the Western Wall, found him, walking slowly up to the holy site with a worn cane.

She watched him pray, and after about forty minutes, when he turned to leave, she approached him for an interview.

"Pardon me, sir, I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN. Are you Morris Feinberg?"

He glanced at her and nodded, but did not stop walking.

"Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?"

He stopped, and answered, "For about sixty years.".

"Sixty years!" she exclaimed. "That's amazing! What do you pray for?"

"I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims. I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to stop. I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults and to love their fellow man. I pray that politicians tell us the truth and put the interests of the people ahead of their own interests."

"And how do you feel after doing this for sixty years?" she asked.

"Like I'm talking to a bloody wall."

(Source: Joke Inside)


Funny jewish rabbi circumcision joke picture - No need to pay me. I keep the tips.
Funny Jewish Jokes