Because religion is laughable

Funny Nervous Monk Vodka Joke

funny chimpanzee monk joke picture
Funny Nervous Monk Vodka Joke

A young monk is extremely nervous about his first sermon at the monastery, so the Abbot gives him a bottle of vodka and says, "When I get nervous I sip some vodka.  Everyone thinks it's water, and it's gotten me through some tough times and long sermons."  The young monk accepts the advice and takes a glass with him when he gives the sermon.

Later that day next he returns to his cell and notices his vodka bottle has been replaced with a note which reads:


Good to see the vodka helped with your nerves, but here is a little feedback about your sermon:
  • Sip the vodka, don't gulp
  • There are 10 commandments, not 12
  • There are 12 disciples, not 10
  • Do not refer to the cross as 'the big T'
  • Jacob wagered his donkey.  He did not bet this ass
  • The 'late J.C.' Is not the best way to refer to Jesus
  • It's the Virgin Mary, not 'Mary with her cherry'
  • The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not called 'Daddy, Junior, and Spook'
  • David was knocked from his donkey by a rock, not 'stoned off his ass'
  • Christ said, 'Take this bread and eat it for it is my body'.  He did not say, 'Bite me!'
  • 'Rub a dub dub, thanks for the grub, yo god!' is an unacceptable prayer
  • And finally, there will be a taffy-pulling contest next weekend at Saint Peters church, not a Peter-pulling contest at Saint Taffy's crotch.

Atheist Quote of the Day

"Religion is like having a classroom where the students have to show up every day, but there's no teacher. There are a bunch of books around and no one is even sure which on is the text book. Some students insist on one book; others argue just as hard for another. Then suddenly, on the last day, the teacher appears and says he's been watching everybody the whole time. He praises the ones who chose the right text book and sends them off to have cookies and milk.

And then he sets everyone else on fire."
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