"A casual stroll through the lunatic asylum shows that faith does not prove anything."
"I enjoy mythology, but am not religious about it"
"Your faith is not inspired by some divine constant truth. It is simply geography"
"The doubt of your faith is not god testing you, it is the truth trying to emerge and free you."
"Science flies you to the moon. Religion flies you into buildings."
"Scientology. Because Mormons needed something to joke about."
"Jesus hates figs" (Mark 11:12-14)
"Staying in bed shouting 'Oh my God!' does not constitute going to church."
"Abstinence makes the church grow fondlers."
"If there there is a God, atheism must seem to Him as less of an insult than religion."
"I considered becoming an atheist, but there weren't enough holidays."
"My creation myth is better than your creation myth."
"Religion is a great comfort in a world torn apart by ... religion."
"Call my religion violent again and I'll kill you."
"The more I study religions the more I'm convinced that man worships only himself."
"Creationism doesn't required a leap of faith so much as a drunken tumble down Mount Dumbass."
"Science flies you to the moon. Religion flies you into buildings."
"I am against religion because it teaches us to be satisfied with not understanding the world."
"What can be asserted without evidence can be dismissed without evidence."
"Religion was invented when the first con man met the first fool. - Mark Twain
"If you talk to God, you are praying. If God talks to you, you have schizophrenia."

Baseball in Heaven Joke

two old men sitting on a park bench picture

Two old men, Abe and Sol, are sitting on a park bench, feeding pigeons, and talking about baseball. Abe turns to Sol and asks, "Do you think there's baseball in Heaven?"

Sol thinks about it for a minute and replies, "I dunno.  But let's make a deal -- if I die first, I'll come back and tell you, and if you die first, you do the same."

They shake on it and sadly, a few months later, poor Abe passes on.  Soon afterwards, Sol is sitting in the park feeding the pigeons by himself when he hears a voice whisper, "Sol... Sol... ." Sol responds, "Abe! Is that you?"

"Yes it is, Sol," whispers Abe's ghost.

"Oh I did miss you, my friend, but tell me: is there baseball in Heaven?"

"Well," says Abe, "I've got good news and bad news."

"Gimme the good news first," says Sol.

Abe says, "Yes, there is baseball in Heaven."

Sol says, "That's awesome! What news could be bad enough to ruin that?"

"You're pitching on Friday."

Funny short religious joke