"A casual stroll through the lunatic asylum shows that faith does not prove anything."
"I enjoy mythology, but am not religious about it"
"Your faith is not inspired by some divine constant truth. It is simply geography"
"The doubt of your faith is not god testing you, it is the truth trying to emerge and free you."
"Science flies you to the moon. Religion flies you into buildings."
"Scientology. Because Mormons needed something to joke about."
"Jesus hates figs" (Mark 11:12-14)
"Staying in bed shouting 'Oh my God!' does not constitute going to church."
"Abstinence makes the church grow fondlers."
"If there there is a God, atheism must seem to Him as less of an insult than religion."
"I considered becoming an atheist, but there weren't enough holidays."
"My creation myth is better than your creation myth."
"Religion is a great comfort in a world torn apart by ... religion."
"Call my religion violent again and I'll kill you."
"The more I study religions the more I'm convinced that man worships only himself."
"Creationism doesn't required a leap of faith so much as a drunken tumble down Mount Dumbass."
"Science flies you to the moon. Religion flies you into buildings."
"I am against religion because it teaches us to be satisfied with not understanding the world."
"What can be asserted without evidence can be dismissed without evidence."
"Religion was invented when the first con man met the first fool. - Mark Twain
"If you talk to God, you are praying. If God talks to you, you have schizophrenia."

Does God Cause Arthritis?

Underground sign picture

A drunk man sat down on the Tube next to a priest. His tie was stained, his face plastered with lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin stuck out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes he turned to the priest and asked, "Say Father, does God cause arthritis?"

The priest replied, "No, my son.  Arthritis is caused by loose living, being with wild, wicked women, too much alcohol, and the lack of a bath."

"Well, I'll be damned," replied the man, returning to his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he had just said, nudged the man and said. "I'm so sorry - I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"

"I don't have it, Father," replied the man.  "I was just reading here that the Pope does."

Funny short religious joke