"A casual stroll through the lunatic asylum shows that faith does not prove anything."
"I enjoy mythology, but am not religious about it"
"Your faith is not inspired by some divine constant truth. It is simply geography"
"The doubt of your faith is not god testing you, it is the truth trying to emerge and free you."
"Science flies you to the moon. Religion flies you into buildings."
"Scientology. Because Mormons needed something to joke about."
"Jesus hates figs" (Mark 11:12-14)
"Staying in bed shouting 'Oh my God!' does not constitute going to church."
"Abstinence makes the church grow fondlers."
"If there there is a God, atheism must seem to Him as less of an insult than religion."
"I considered becoming an atheist, but there weren't enough holidays."
"My creation myth is better than your creation myth."
"Religion is a great comfort in a world torn apart by ... religion."
"Call my religion violent again and I'll kill you."
"The more I study religions the more I'm convinced that man worships only himself."
"Creationism doesn't required a leap of faith so much as a drunken tumble down Mount Dumbass."
"Science flies you to the moon. Religion flies you into buildings."
"I am against religion because it teaches us to be satisfied with not understanding the world."
"What can be asserted without evidence can be dismissed without evidence."
"Religion was invented when the first con man met the first fool. - Mark Twain
"If you talk to God, you are praying. If God talks to you, you have schizophrenia."

Lord Help Us!


Taxi driver picture

A priest is taking a cab home from church after a long day of services. It's night and raining heavily. Suddenly the taxi hits a pothole. The driver mutters under his breath "Fuck!" Seconds later, they hit another pothole and the driver says "Shit!"

The priest finally has enough, "Son, don't use these words, they anger our Good Lord. Why not say instead, 'Lord help us'?"

The cabbie reluctantly agrees. As they drive on, they hit a really big pothole and the entire wheel falls off and starts rolling down the road! The cabbie, remembering the priest's words, says "Lord help us!" Suddenly, the wheel stops, rolls back, and snaps back on!

"What the fuck?" says the priest.

Funny short religious joke