"A casual stroll through the lunatic asylum shows that faith does not prove anything."
"I enjoy mythology, but am not religious about it"
"Your faith is not inspired by some divine constant truth. It is simply geography"
"The doubt of your faith is not god testing you, it is the truth trying to emerge and free you."
"Science flies you to the moon. Religion flies you into buildings."
"Scientology. Because Mormons needed something to joke about."
"Jesus hates figs" (Mark 11:12-14)
"Staying in bed shouting 'Oh my God!' does not constitute going to church."
"Abstinence makes the church grow fondlers."
"If there there is a God, atheism must seem to Him as less of an insult than religion."
"I considered becoming an atheist, but there weren't enough holidays."
"My creation myth is better than your creation myth."
"Religion is a great comfort in a world torn apart by ... religion."
"Call my religion violent again and I'll kill you."
"The more I study religions the more I'm convinced that man worships only himself."
"Creationism doesn't required a leap of faith so much as a drunken tumble down Mount Dumbass."
"Science flies you to the moon. Religion flies you into buildings."
"I am against religion because it teaches us to be satisfied with not understanding the world."
"What can be asserted without evidence can be dismissed without evidence."
"Religion was invented when the first con man met the first fool. - Mark Twain
"If you talk to God, you are praying. If God talks to you, you have schizophrenia."

The Jesus Interviews - Prayer

Lawd Cheesy Crust

Interviewer:  Thank you for taking the time to talk to us again, Lord.

Jesus: Sure.

Interviewer:  Today I'd like to talk about prayer.  You know, for us it is such a privilege to be able to commune with You, our Maker, to cast our burdens upon You, and indeed help heal this world of its brokenness.

Jesus: That's quite a sentence.


Jesus: I mean, considering prayer is fundamentally pointless.

Interviewer:  Sorry, I don't follow.

Jesus: Well, since we know everything you ask for before you ask it, what's the point of you saying it, and even then, what could you possibly have to add to what we already know or have planned?

Interviewer:  Er, so is perhaps prayer more about the person praying than asking for things, an act demonstrating the believer's trusting and worshipful heart?

Jesus: More like an act demonstrating extreme stupidity.

Interviewer:  But you command it, Lord!

Jesus: Indeed, but now that we're actually talking, face to face, I need to confess that it was not one of our finest ideas.  See, Beelzy had just brewed up a batch, and, well, it needed to be drunk before it went off... so we were quite hungover at the time.



Read further interviews with Lawd Cheesy Crust.