"A casual stroll through the lunatic asylum shows that faith does not prove anything."
"I enjoy mythology, but am not religious about it"
"Your faith is not inspired by some divine constant truth. It is simply geography"
"The doubt of your faith is not god testing you, it is the truth trying to emerge and free you."
"Science flies you to the moon. Religion flies you into buildings."
"Scientology. Because Mormons needed something to joke about."
"Jesus hates figs" (Mark 11:12-14)
"Staying in bed shouting 'Oh my God!' does not constitute going to church."
"Abstinence makes the church grow fondlers."
"If there there is a God, atheism must seem to Him as less of an insult than religion."
"I considered becoming an atheist, but there weren't enough holidays."
"My creation myth is better than your creation myth."
"Religion is a great comfort in a world torn apart by ... religion."
"Call my religion violent again and I'll kill you."
"The more I study religions the more I'm convinced that man worships only himself."
"Creationism doesn't required a leap of faith so much as a drunken tumble down Mount Dumbass."
"Science flies you to the moon. Religion flies you into buildings."
"I am against religion because it teaches us to be satisfied with not understanding the world."
"What can be asserted without evidence can be dismissed without evidence."
"Religion was invented when the first con man met the first fool. - Mark Twain
"If you talk to God, you are praying. If God talks to you, you have schizophrenia."

Knocking On Heaven's Door

funny heaven men queue pearly gates jesus religion joke

Jesus strolled up to St Peter and put his majestic arm around the old saint's shoulders.  "How's it going, old friend?"

St Peter replied, "I have done as you instructed Lord: all the women have gone through the great gates, while the men have formed two orderly queues, according to whether or not they were the head of their households."

Jesus cast his eye over the first queue - the longer of the two: filled with men who had not lived up to his Father's command - and shook his sadly.  "So many have failed," he sighed.

But then he saw the second queue, where one man stood, and brightened.  "Look Peter," he said, "at least one has been faithful."

Before St Peter could say anything, Jesus approached the solitary man and said, "My good man, welcome.  You, of all these men..." He waved his hand at the other queue.  "You alone have been faithful to the Word and have been the master of your house."

The little man looked up at Jesus and replied, trembling, "Er, no Sir, not exactly.  My wife told me to stand in this queue."

funny short joke