"A casual stroll through the lunatic asylum shows that faith does not prove anything."
"I enjoy mythology, but am not religious about it"
"Your faith is not inspired by some divine constant truth. It is simply geography"
"The doubt of your faith is not god testing you, it is the truth trying to emerge and free you."
"Science flies you to the moon. Religion flies you into buildings."
"Scientology. Because Mormons needed something to joke about."
"Jesus hates figs" (Mark 11:12-14)
"Staying in bed shouting 'Oh my God!' does not constitute going to church."
"Abstinence makes the church grow fondlers."
"If there there is a God, atheism must seem to Him as less of an insult than religion."
"I considered becoming an atheist, but there weren't enough holidays."
"My creation myth is better than your creation myth."
"Religion is a great comfort in a world torn apart by ... religion."
"Call my religion violent again and I'll kill you."
"The more I study religions the more I'm convinced that man worships only himself."
"Creationism doesn't required a leap of faith so much as a drunken tumble down Mount Dumbass."
"Science flies you to the moon. Religion flies you into buildings."
"I am against religion because it teaches us to be satisfied with not understanding the world."
"What can be asserted without evidence can be dismissed without evidence."
"Religion was invented when the first con man met the first fool. - Mark Twain
"If you talk to God, you are praying. If God talks to you, you have schizophrenia."

A Matter of Chocolate

Funny short joke story picture - Was Jesus an alien?

The alien vessel landed with much pomp and hiss on St Peter's square in Rome.  A hatch opened and two little green men with dazzling smiles appeared.  They were promptly granted an audience with the Pope.

After a brief discussion about the weather, the Pope said, "I know this question may sound odd to you, but I was wondering if you and your kind knew about Jesus Christ?"

"Jesus Christ?!" exclaimed the slightly taller of two aliens. "Of course we do! He visits our planet every two years or so. Awesome fellow!"

A hush descended on the audience chamber, and everyone watched the Pope, whose face had turned a rather odd purple.

"Every two years?" he shouted.  "We're still waiting for his second coming!"

"Maybe he didn't like your chocolate?" suggested the alien.

"Chocolate?" replied the Pope.  "What in heaven's name does chocolate have to do with it?"

"Well," said the alien.  "When he came to our planet, we gave him chocolate.  Why, what do you do?"
 Funny Jesus Pope Alien Joke