"A casual stroll through the lunatic asylum shows that faith does not prove anything."
"I enjoy mythology, but am not religious about it"
"Your faith is not inspired by some divine constant truth. It is simply geography"
"The doubt of your faith is not god testing you, it is the truth trying to emerge and free you."
"Science flies you to the moon. Religion flies you into buildings."
"Scientology. Because Mormons needed something to joke about."
"Jesus hates figs" (Mark 11:12-14)
"Staying in bed shouting 'Oh my God!' does not constitute going to church."
"Abstinence makes the church grow fondlers."
"If there there is a God, atheism must seem to Him as less of an insult than religion."
"I considered becoming an atheist, but there weren't enough holidays."
"My creation myth is better than your creation myth."
"Religion is a great comfort in a world torn apart by ... religion."
"Call my religion violent again and I'll kill you."
"The more I study religions the more I'm convinced that man worships only himself."
"Creationism doesn't required a leap of faith so much as a drunken tumble down Mount Dumbass."
"Science flies you to the moon. Religion flies you into buildings."
"I am against religion because it teaches us to be satisfied with not understanding the world."
"What can be asserted without evidence can be dismissed without evidence."
"Religion was invented when the first con man met the first fool. - Mark Twain
"If you talk to God, you are praying. If God talks to you, you have schizophrenia."

Jesus Limericks

Funny Jesus Limericks Picture

There was man from Lyme Regis,
famed for the size of his penis,
who took it out one night
but died of a fright
at the grinning face of Jesus.

(source: GerryHatric)

There was young lad called Emmanuel,
who was frankly quite a ne'er do well,
which left his parents at a loss
and his Father quite cross,
to the extent he had to be left in Hell.

(source: GerryHatric)


When Jesus returns 'twill be sweet,
He'll appear to the man on the street.
He'll think that he ought to
Once again walk on water,
But he'll sink -
(there are holes in his feet).

(source: Flordur)


There was a young man called Jesus,
who found a good way to fleece us.
He pretended to die,
then pretended to fly,
up to heaven for lofty praises.

(source: Christopher)


At interpreting verse I am quite adept,
a hobby into which I have leapt.
But the one I can't figure out,
what the hell it's about,
is the shortest one, "Jesus swept".

(source: Rick Dickulous)


A rabbi from far-off Peru
was desperately trying to screw.
His wife said, “Oy vey!
If you keep on this way
the Messiah will come before you.”

(source: Favourite Limericks)


Submit your funny Jesus limericks to Lawd Cheesy Crust.