Because religion is laughable

Noah's Ark - A Very Silly Story

Noah's ark cartoon picture

The Bible Flood is a very silly story:

God is not happy with his pet project  He gave man choice, which of course we exercised, but unfortunately we chose wrong and need to be destroyed for it.  You could argue that's not much of a choice in the first place, and also wonder why God is unhappy, since in his omniscience, he must surely have known it would turn out this way?  But I digress.

God decides that he is going to flood the earth, all of it.  That's a lot of water. And we are all going to drown.

However, God, even though unhappy, is not unjust. Noah is faithful, so Noah is instructed to  build a boat, a very big boat, that will be used to save him, his equally faithful family, and all the myriad animals that roam the earth.  (Animals are faithful by default, as they don't have choice, apparently.) Sea creatures are left to their own devices, and the penguins are instructed to start walking.

Much later....

(And it is much later, because, well, it was a big boat, and Noah's family was not that big. It's a good thing they all live hundreds of years in those days - nobody likes an obvious plot weakness.)

Much later, the boat is built, the descendants of the original penguins arrive, and everybody gets on board.  There is ample food stocked for all, except the carnivores who must live on vegetables for a little while.

It starts raining... and it rains... and it rains... for forty days and nights. The waters rise until even the highest peaks are covered.  Then God shuts the floodgates of the heavens and the deep, and sends a wind to get rid of the water.  One hundred and fifty days later the water is gone, the boat settles on the mountains of Ararat, and everybody gets out.

Noah builds an altar to the Lord and, taking some of all the clean animals and clean birds, he sacrifices burnt offerings on it. God smells the pleasing aroma and said in his heart: “Never again will I curse the ground because of humans, even though every inclination of the human heart is evil from childhood. And never again will I destroy all living creatures, as I have done."

Perhaps Noah should have thought about the sacrifice earlier, and saved everyone a lot of bother?

The penguins shrug and start the long walk home.




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