Because religion is laughable

Funny Nervous Monk Vodka Joke

funny chimpanzee monk joke picture
Funny Nervous Monk Vodka Joke

A young monk is extremely nervous about his first sermon at the monastery, so the Abbot gives him a bottle of vodka and says, "When I get nervous I sip some vodka.  Everyone thinks it's water, and it's gotten me through some tough times and long sermons."  The young monk accepts the advice and takes a glass with him when he gives the sermon.

Later that day next he returns to his cell and notices his vodka bottle has been replaced with a note which reads:

Good to see the vodka helped with your nerves, but here is a little feedback about your sermon:
  • Sip the vodka, don't gulp
  • There are 10 commandments, not 12
  • There are 12 disciples, not 10
  • Do not refer to the cross as 'the big T'
  • Jacob wagered his donkey.  He did not bet this ass
  • The 'late J.C.' Is not the best way to refer to Jesus
  • It's the Virgin Mary, not 'Mary with her cherry'
  • The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not called 'Daddy, Junior, and Spook'
  • David was knocked from his donkey by a rock, not 'stoned off his ass'
  • Christ said, 'Take this bread and eat it for it is my body'.  He did not say, 'Bite me!'
  • 'Rub a dub dub, thanks for the grub, yo god!' is an unacceptable prayer
  • And finally, there will be a taffy-pulling contest next weekend at Saint Peters church, not a Peter-pulling contest at Saint Taffy's crotch.